Far and away the most popular topic on the internet is “Overcoming Insecurity” or “How To Stop Being Paranoid About Your Woman.” This has had the most pageviews by a long way and has also generated the most email responses. I am addressing this topic under the word spouse, because this fear isnt just limited to men, in my humble experience at the very least.
Responding to some emails regarding this has allowed me to expand on the issue further.
So I wanted to add a few things to the conversation for everyone to hear.
So first of all you need to identify that you have a problem with insecurity. You need to be open and honest in admitting that fact to yourself. This seems obvious but until you accept there is a problem there is no way you can ever solve it.
Secondly after admitting the problem you need to commit to overcoming it. This won’t be easy and a lot of people will give up at this point. They just throw it in the too hard basket. But if you want to change your relationship and your entire life then this is something you will have to bravely deal with.
So once you have accepted you have insecurity issues and have decided to overcome it you need to actually get it done.
The paranoia and insecurity is an emotional response. Emotional responses are notoriously hard to overcome with logic. All the logic in the world can tell you something but if your heart and mind do not agree then nothing changes.
Having said that I think it is good to start with a base of logic and use that as the foundation.
So here are some logical reasons to stop being paranoid:
- Most relationships are happy and healthy without any infidelity.
- This is because most people will leave a relationship they are unhappy with rather than stay in an unhappy one and cheat.
- We all lead busy lives these days. Most of us barely have time for one partner let alone any other secret flames.
- If she does cheat she will probably tell you out of guilt. While that will hurt at least you don’t have the paranoia of not knowing.
A paranoia about cheating is often not about cheating itself. It is a lack of control over the situation. She could cheat on you and there is nothing you can do to defend yourself. That is the real fear. Control issues often manifest themselves in many areas of life.
There is no easy way for me to help you deal with a control issue if that is what you are facing. To get to the root of the deep psychological issues you can try several things from hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, rebirthing, meditation, to the simple art of talking about your problems.
At the end of the day you cannot chase happiness. You just have to decide to be happy. And you cannot fend off insecurity with a big stick and a flaming torch. You just have to decide to be secure. You have to open yourself up to vulnerability. Life has many surprises in it and bad things may happen. You may get cheated on, you may get eating by a tiger, you develop terminal cancer at 23. But you can’t control it all. You have to make the decision to let go of fear and just live.